Perfection, Performing or Playing

A friend of mine recently talked about coaching and teaching kids in sports. He said he teaches them first and foremost that it is about having fun -- but he also teaches them skills. And so he tells them:

"Doing something well is fun"

I want to say, on record, that I know this is true.

But I am blogging about this because it was used by God to strike a chord in me; to wake me up to something festering in my heart. See, somehow, to me, that quote above implies that doing something poorly can't be fun. And for me, that means I can't learn anything because while I am learning (and therefore no good at it) it won't be any fun so I won't want to do it. (This, by the way, is why I do not play basketball).

The only sport I've ever had any affinity for is bowling. I started at the ripe old age of 8 or 9, in a Saturday morning instructional league. My parents were bowlers for years and years, and I think I learned from them that it is fun, and social, and challenging. Now, I really like to bowl. I'm no professional, but my average is 179 -- pretty respectable, I think.

When I bowl it is not so much whether my team wins or loses -- it is whether I bowl my average or better -- whether I am steadily improving. And it is about having fun. But when I don't bowl well, it is not fun for me.

In my head, I know God doesn't love me any less when I bowl like crap than He does when I bowl well.

So in my own heart why do I love myself less when I bowl (or do anything else) poorly?

Where does this perfectionistic tendency come from?

I don't know, but I do know it has robbed me of too much joy, and made too many things which should have been fun into work, or worse yet, obligation and drudgery.

I just wanna play.

~ Keith