Standing, Falling, and Weeping

My dad was one of 13 kids, and we were 1 of only 2 of the families who moved away from Missouri, so growing up there were only a few cousins I saw, and that was pretty infrequent. I'm in St. Louis, MO this weekend, for my uncle's funeral. It has been really good to reconnect with family, and even meet some cousins I had never seen before. It has been a week of topsy-turvy emotions; of being a support and allowing myself to be supported by others.

A song that keeps rolling through my head is Rich Mullins' "If I Stand"

There's more that rises in the morning
Than the sun
And more that shines in the night
Than just the moon
It's more than just this fire here
That keeps me warm
In a shelter that is larger
Than this room

And there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs
That I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes
For the allegiance
I owe only to the giver
Of all good things

So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home

There's more that dances on the prairies
Than the wind
More that pulses in the ocean
Than the tide
There's a love that is fiercer
Than the love between friends
More gentle than a mother's
When her baby's at her side

And there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs
That I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes
For the allegence
I owe only to the Giver
Of all good things

So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home

And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home

St. Louis is my family's home. I've always considered Oregon to be home. But the older I get the more I realize that really, being with family is being home no matter where I am.

I miss my uncle Don, and I miss my dad, and I miss my family and, as I type this, I am weeping -- as a man who is longing for the day when we can all be at home together again.

~ Keith